preface

So I was in love with the man who I thought would be the last love of my life. I met him in high school, he walked me home carried my books, I even had my first kiss with him . I ditched 6th period to go to his track meets, while I endured hell at home. As life would have it things change fast in your teenage years someone more aggressive entered the picture and since my self-esteem was at an all time low I thought wow this is the guy who really cares.. hmmmm nope but as fate would have it years later he contacted me and mentioned he had run into the first kiss guy and my heart sang I had wondered all these years what had happened to him, if only I had chosen him, after all these years every time I drove through his neighborhood I wondered. Well we finally got in touch started dating and had some really great times, he called 5 times a day we started seeing eachother at ever opportunity we couldn't get enough sex, etc., but I never met his daughter or his family, he would complain about his ex-wife, his family, his work, he didn't want to participate in my life either he never wanted to go to my art shows. We started to argue and then make-up sex -the sex became our only form of intimacy and I cooked putting every I love you I couldn't say to him with out a response of silence, into the meal this went on for 2 1/2 years of wishing and hoping, until the boredom and my financial woes brought me to Hawaii- thinking I was going just to help my son -I also wanted to escape the hell of this purgatory like existence. But I told him I was not leaving him I would find a way for us to be together. I cried so much missing him- he would call everyday for awhile and now as 2 years have passed I have been noticing less calls to none, and as I spoke of returning -the truth was finally revealed- I said I would becoming home soon and he said there was nothing here for me! I said he was there and I missed him everyday and didn't want another man to touch me, he said don't come back because of me. The last few months I have been growing by leaps and bounds I lost 30 lbs and I am stronger and wiser and a better woman, he said just get over it- after I picked myself off the pavement I went to work and even though I thought I wanted to cry I couldn't. I felt free and yep almost happy. 3 days later I really am happy and strangely relieved not to deal with his drama, his negativity-end 'o the world crap and judgement. I am free, but this has been a strange trip I guess I had to move 3000 miles away to see that! TBC........

In the beginning

I have been born again, no not in a religious sense, a birth of myself. Yes, this has been bloody and painful and beautiful too. In the next few days I will be catching up on letting you in on all the gory details, some funny, sad, etc, but mostly to share the unbelievable things that can happen in the later years of your life when you least expect it.